24 Oct Overcoming rejection sensitive dysphoria: My story of healing
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is sh*t. I used to experience it all. the. freakin. time. But, amazingly, I almost never do anymore, aside from tiny, momentary remnants I can easily handle. This is something Iâm so grateful for⊠If you want to find out how I did away with it, read on.Â
What is RSD?
I suspect you most likely donât need an introduction to this term, but just in case, most people describe it as extreme sensitivity to criticism or perceived rejection. But honestly, in my experience, thatâs putting it mildly.
For me, it was one of the most horrendous types of despair there is, characterized by overwhelming shame and the God-awful certainty that I was one of the biggest, most unlovable losers imaginable. The harshest self-talk on repeat was super common.
It was harrowing in a way no other emotion Iâve ever experienced has been. And itâs rife for those of us with ADHD.
RSD was so toxic it destroyed my ability to have beautiful relationships and left me with next to no self-worth for most of my life. Itâs heartbreaking to think of all those years (close to 30!) that it had this power over me. Even though itâs a thing of the past, I will never forget that horrendous feeling.
It was so prominent that I never thought Iâd have peace of mind. But I was wrong. (Even twelve years later I pinch myself that this is true!)
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What can you learn from my experience?
If I can overcome it, so can you. I was sure Iâd never escape those horrendous feelings, but something kept me searching for a different reality.
Lesson No. 2: Emotional pain can be a teacher.
Itâs a cruel irony, but the pain I endured was what drove me to end up in such a great emotional place today.
If it werenât for those dark days, I wouldnât have been compelled to seek more. My journey into mindfulness took me to Plum Village, a Buddhist monastery founded by Zen Master ThĂch Nháș„t HáșĄnh in France. His teaching, âNo mud, no lotus,â shows how suffering is integral to the path toward true contentment and compassion.
Iâm living proof that inner turmoil can be the catalyst for cultivating awareness and compassion.
Lesson No. 3: Learning to be more present and compassionate was key to overcoming RSD.
As you might have gathered by now, learning to be more present and compassionate â especially toward myself â by practicing a ton of mindfulness was how I overcame RSD.
I immersed myself in mindfulness practicesâretreats, meditating with binaural beats, yoga, reading, blogs, videosâyou name it.
One easy way to access this wisdom is through the Insight Timer app/website. There are literally thousands of practices to try (Iâve even got some on there too, if youâre curious đ).
What I love about learning to be mindful is that there are so many ways to do itâyou donât have to sit in a lotus position if thatâs not your thing. Movement-based practices, like somatic therapies, Tai Chi, Qi Gong (my fave), martial arts, and yoga, can also teach present-moment awareness.
Itâs all an experiment, and if you approach it with a curious, open mind, Iâm supremely confident that, over time, youâll be derailed less and less by the stories your upbringing and neurobiology have created. What have you got to lose?
Still, if this doesnât resonate, I have another suggestion.
One last tool to consider
Iâve heard one ADHD expert say that âalpha-agonistsâ (a type of ADHD medication) can be an effective treatment for RSD for many people with ADHD. While I havenât found peer-reviewed studies confirming this, Iâve heard many say these meds (like clonidine) help with emotional regulation.
And a final thoughtâmaybe let your imagination wander to a time where you no longer experience RSDâa place where you feel proud of who you are and worthy of all the goodness life has to offer.
As Iâve said, if I can be rid of RSD, thereâs no reason you canât, and I hope with all my heart that my story gives you faith that you can overcome it too. x
